I did it. I had my first date in 13 years. Yay me. It was fine. Yep, that's really the only description which is essentially the same as saying it was vanilla, it was bland, it was a bit snoozy. But, it's over and I survived unscathed.
I'm finding I tend to be most interested in fellas who have a way with a witty turn of phrase when writing. This one definitely had it.
I'm also finding that I tend to lean toward fellas that do not fit my typical "type" in the looks department. That type being short, skinny and white. I haven't decided if this is because I'm not actually ready to start dating (true), so I am reducing the likelihood for attraction or if I'm actively trying to expand my "type" (probably untrue). A clarification about the white part. I live in Portland, a city as diverse as a bag of wonder bread. So, while I have dated people of different backgrounds and ethnicities, the majority of my dating history has been of the caucasian variety. Not at all opposed, there's simply a limited amount of variety in my area.
So, we meet up at a comfy little pub in his neighborhood. Safe because I have to drive, so I know I won't overindulge on the adult bevvies and there's no chance he can stalk me home. I belly up to the bar in a pre-approved first date outfit courtesy of my very best gay boyfriend and order a bourbon. In he walks, much more handsome than his photos (Score!) and with a really great voice (Yay). For our purposes I'll call him Teddy. Why? He's sort of soft, brown and fuzzy. Not surprisingly, he's a good 3 inches shorter than he stated in his profile. Why do they do this? I have eyes...I will figure out that you aren't 6 feet tall when I see you. Duh! We sit, the chatting begins. He seems very interested. He's a little funny and extremely talkative. Like a bit of a competitive talker. Keeps interrupting, touching my arm to stop me so he can interject things that are honestly not very interesting and don't add much to the conversation. So, I'm thinking maybe he's just nervous. Then he launches into many, many stories of ex-girlfriends. Awkward part one.
About an hour in I start to notice that his eyes aren't really tracking and he's slightly slurring his words. Conclusion, Teddy is either suffering a mild stroke or he's not a whiskey drinker and probably should have stuck to beer. Oh, poor Teddy. Either way, he is not winning here. Awkward part two.
And, then...wait for it...he leans in and says "I am a very sensual lover" (say those words in your head with a light slur and imagine glassy eyes ogling you...it makes it even more creepy). He expanded with some details to back up his statement. AWKWARD all over the place. I was gripping my hands under the table to quell the laughter. I mean, learn how to read your audience, dude. I was so not feeling it and was nicely straightforward about it. He just wasn't hearing me at all.
While I'm leaning as far in the other direction as I can, this really cute guy that is totally within my "type" sort of accidentally sits on my lap to get closer to the Irish band playing in the corner. We begin exchanging banter and I'm thinking "Wish you were my date" and then he asks me to come to the pub the following Monday to hear the band again. I didn't go, but it was really nice to be asked.
Teddy, the sensual lover, and I ended the date and I said the following "Teddy, you seem like a really nice guy and this has been fun. I think you are in a very different place in your life and looking for someone that wants the same things you want. That's just not me. So, thanks for meeting up with me and I wish you good luck." He seemed disappointed and spent about 5 minutes trying to convince me he was totally fine with just hanging out and not getting serious (i.e., having sex with no strings). This fella had "desperate for a wife and 2.5 kids" written all over him. Which is baffling for two reasons. The first line in my profile says I don't have kids and don't want to make any. The reason it's the first line is to ensure they read it. The second bafflement...this fella does not have a job. I mean, he picks up odd jobs here and there to get by, but he literally hasn't had a steady job in like 6 years...and he's 37 for crying out loud.
I'm happy the first first date is over and done. Whew! It really was a lot easier than I expected. Onto the second date...tomorrow night. Again, I'm going against type. More to come...
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