So, we've probably all read articles or seen whimsical little quotes about putting ourselves first and loving ourselves. I never really got it...until the other night when I was talking with my BGBF (Best gay boyfriend) about decorating for the holidays. Since the divorce will literally become final on Xmas, I have been bah-humbuging the entire holiday. No xmas cheer, no ho ho ho'ing, no carols drifting from the iPod and no decorating. Then, I saw this terribly tacky hot pink tinsel tree and ding, ding, ding went my trolley. I will decorate...MY WAY! At no time over the past 13 years was anything pink allowed in my house. Well, not anymore! So, I say to my BGBF "Oh, that tree will be mine. In fact, I'm getting the purple one for the living room and the pink one for my bedroom. Why in my bedroom, you ask? Because I know how to show a girl a good time!" I laughed, but then started thinking...hey, I do know how to show a girl a good time and that girl is ME. I'm going to date myself. I mean, I open doors, pull out chairs, notice when I get a haircut, never sigh loudly when I suggest a museum or gallery, always make yummy noises when I make a great meal. Why not date myself. Seems like we'll get along just fine.
Turns out, this is harder than I thought. Why would I expect a man to compliment me, find me beautiful, want to surprise me with thoughtful actions if I don't do it for myself??? DUH! Like a cosmic duh has hit me square in the face. If I'm going to date myself, I have got to make myself dateable.
1. Make a daily effort, Girl! Translation: shave your damn legs, wear something other than yoga pants (understand that I work from home, so I can just roll out of bed, work all day, roll back into bed without ever changing my clothes. Gross, but functional!), put on some makeup and do you hair instead of shoving a hat on and calling it good. Paint your toenails more than twice a year. Wear your "date dress" on a Tuesday just because it makes you feel good.
2. Hit the town! Get out there and do things you enjoy on your own. Don't wait around for friends to be available. If you are actually dating yourself, then wine and dine yourself, go to the museum, a movie, to see a show, whatever you would want to do with a date. I actually used to do this a lot, so should be pretty simple to get back into the swing of things.
3. Get your arse in shape! If you expect romance, even from yourself, try being more fit. If I was dating a man I'd want him to put some effort into keeping his body in shape, right?!?! So, why have I been sitting on the couch for six months eating sour patch kids and getting chubby? Divorce is no excuse. Burn some calories for yourself, not for anyone else. It's good for body, mind and soul!
4. Be nice! Accept and love yourself. Give yourself compliments everytime you pass a reflective surface "Hey there, Gorgeous!" If I was dating a guy and he said even a modicum of the crap I pile on myself I wouldn't just break up with him, I'd probably beat him silly. Treat yourself gently with love and understanding. Forgive yourself and freely give pep talks.
5. Pamper yourself! Take a hot bath with candles and the expensive bubbles normally saved for special occasions. Make the delightful lemon and rosemary roast chicken that is your go to date meal and really enjoy it. Who are you saving that bottle of pinot for??? For ME! Drink it, Girl!
I've just started putting these into practice and so far, so good. What a great way to really get to know myself and treat myself well. I think one of the biggest and most "lightbulb" realizations for me is regarding fitness. Honestly, I've never, ever done it for myself. I thought I was, but at the end of the day it was really just to be accepted by others, to be attractive to a guy and so on. So, this time around it's a big shift in thinking. I'm not pushing myself to do the workouts so I can fit into skinny jeans to attract guys. I'm pushing myself so I can feel good in my body whether it's pajama Saturday or a night out. I want to find myself attractive and bully to the rest of them. It's kind of exciting and liberating. When these realizations hit I almost always think "Does everyone else know this already and I'm just getting it now?" I seriously hope I'm the last one to get this because it would be great if every single person was really loving themselves.
I'm off for a date...Hmm, I wonder if I'll get lucky. :-)
